Which paradise was it again?

After spending the whole day in bed and feeding on an apple, pringles and dark chocolate – due to being sick – I keep dozing off like a cat, dreaming superficially. Occasionally hearing the radio tootling softly, pulling another blanket over my head. Now I´m awake-ish.

Pictures of dreams still running through my head, forming the background noise in my mind. What did I dream? There was a garden, a heavy rain, maybe a storm… I´ve been talking with my father about paradise, and decided that I need to walk around Mount Kailash in this lifetime.

Funny, I´m not hungry at all. Could be cause my throat is still aching, like I was eating glass. I´m still feverish, in need of sleep. Sleep and solace. This is always the best medicine for me. To sleep things off. Stressed, overworked? Caught a flue? Feeling blue? Being bored and/or horny? Hungry, eventually? Just go to sleep… Plus. I´m one of those, who magically generate a higher body temperature – for not much of a reason. Exhaustion is enough. This time though…

The last light of the days creeps into the room. Some kind of muffled  warm orange, rapidly changing into a blueish-grey. I try to motivate myself to get up, but it´s warm under the blankets. No more pringles now. I´m thirsty, I should get up and have a fresh ginger tea with honey and cinnamon. I should. But it´s cold outside.

Crouching tiger and hidden dragon fight their ways into my conscience.

Stay still and breathe them in. The dragon and the tiger. I remember something about my lama and Mount Kailash, I can´t put my finger on it though… Why can´t my mind be so peaceful? Something about that mountain and the full moon…

Today was full moon.

I wonder. This kind of changing light, is it inspiring the blackbirds to an enthusiastic last song, before going to sleep? One more time, powerfully claiming place, territory, a place to occupy, air, food, love, breath – claiming life itself… So vividly, so naturally…

How I envy them…

It makes me swallow. When was the last time, that I claimed something? Something for me alone? I can´t remember… My moments running away so fast, that I can´t keep track of them.

It´s just like laying eyes on something unique, beautifully breathtaking and abandoned, something magical, majestic. Seeing it after decades, after hundreds, or thousands of years…

… and forgetting it, in the blink of an eye.

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