spank the monkey

Movie prompt: Knocking on heaven´s door / Cowboy Bebop Movie

Quote: “I love that kind of woman, who can kick my ass ” – Spike Spiegel


“Trick or treat! Trick or treat!” The kid screams and dances around me. I’m no maypole. “Trick or treat. Trick or treat!” Stay calm! This is a nice neighborhood, no one suspects a thing. Smile. SMILE! “Trick or treat, trick or-“

„Shut up kid! It’s not even Halloween and I’ve got no candy!” It isn’t impressed… Before this starts over again, this should be more fun.

Let’s see: „If you don’t shut up, I’ll bake you cookies with razors in it and force-feed you some!” I whisper with my sweetest voice and flash a big friendly smile. The child gasps in shock, eyes wide with terror.


“…Mommy?!” It runs back to the front yard, and looks pretty scared. “Moohoommiiiiiiiiii!” Ugh, I hate kids…

It’s still too early for the job. My gardening tools lie around like I played a bit and got bored halfway through, which is absolutely true. I’m bored.

I’ve got to clean up, before driving to the coffee shop. The one thing ’bout living here – you’re constantly watched. Sometimes by these vicious women called house wives, sometimes their creepy husbands, their kids or pets.

Yeah, you heard me. Pets. And kids. It’s some weird, built-in surveillance system, but far more subtile.

Even so, they have no idea, that there is a con man and a bounty hunter living next door. That given, I do my daily little act. Stepping out of the house – playing normal. No, let me rephrase that. Playing mediocre.

You should know, this my first attempt living in the suburbs, for longer than couple of days. The rest of my life, I was on the run, or on the hunt.

My partner and I, we’ve been ’round some weeks now, to verify the identity of one queer guy. Trying to catch the culprit, literally with his pants down.

No, we’re looking for a tattoo. A monkey on lower back and ass.

Well, he has to spank that monkey from time to time, doesn’t he?

But Sam came down with a heart attack. He spends his time in the hospital, and I keep my position. Just in case. This job requires a bit time and patience. The life of a bounty hunter… Looking for tattooed men. Exiting! Isn’t it?

“Roxy, sweetheart?” Oh, I hate that edgy voice. The kid’s mother…

“Yes, hello darling! How are you?” I ask with the most innocent face I can manage. And I’m pretty good with looking innocent.

“Oh, fine! Thank you for asking! Priscilla, said that you told her, that she will be fed razors?”

“Oh no! No, no, darling! I’ve said I’ll bake her some extra cookies! With raisins. Cause she’s so cute. As a button. I want to snuggle you and cuddle you!” I bend to look at her and give her my brightest smile. The mother is satisfied, that I can tell. She’s angry at her child. Ha!

“I told you! Now stop lying,” she barks at the kid. Without another word she stomps away and dragging her child behind. I wink at her, wave them goodbye. Well then, another day ruined. Time to tidy up my front yard and prepare for work.

The coffee house is crowded, as usual. It’s my turn at the cash desk. All day goes smoothly. Smiling, telling some dirty jokes, getting tips, sipping good coffee, listening to good music. Today’s special: Jazz!

Up until closing time… Then, I usually change with the youngest stuff member stations. It’s the new guy from yesterday. He’s at the cash desk and I start mopping up the floor. It’s easier. For me. Tehehehe.

Exactly two minutes before closing an annoying customer comes in and wants something, but with extra everything. New-guy’s polite, and I mop up. Annoying customer changes order. New-guy’s still polite. And I smile. “It’s a good day…”

I shouldn’t have said that! Two masked men storm in.


One of them pulls a shotgun and yells: “This is a hold-up!” New guy’s white as a sheet. He looks like he’ll pass out any minute. Shit!

The customer ducks away. Good. He’ll lay low. It’s the third time this year, I’ve been told. “Give me the money!” One of the man screams at New-guy.

“Gentlemen! Why so rude?” I ask them. No, I’m not impressed. These men are small fries. No pride, just greed. They both turn to me. “Surprise!” I smile. They didn’t even see me, till now.

“WHAT?!… Where’s the cash?” They yell at the same time. One of them is coming closer, the one with the gun. Good, good. Come to me. I’ll handle you first. “You stupid broad! I’ll blow your brains out! On the floor! Now! Didn’t you hear me? DOWN! On the floor!” Only couple of feet away now…

“But I just mopped up! All wet and yuk! Please, mister!” Thank god, I’m blond nowadays. My pleas do not affect him much, but my mop will.

“Come on DJ. Let’s get the money!” The other one is impatient. “On the floor, you brain-dead chick! Are you stupid or what?!” – “Come on!” – “Don’t rush me!” He barks back. New-guy manages to open the cash desk.


The mop crashes into his face. He stumbles back with surprise. Two hits on the lower arms, and the gun flies behind the desk. Blow to the knee, punch to the throat. He rolls his eyes and collapses without a sound.

„Look a at that! Now, now. I want some fun too!“ Oh! Where did she come from? A tall wiry looking young woman stands in the doorway and just smiles. Beautiful.

A bit weird though… What is it? Is she amused? She’s got tattoos! Interesting! I hope no monkeys.

The other masked guy at the cash desk wakes up, grabs a handful cash and runs.

Well, he tries. He gets an effective beat up. Some fantastic looking elbow-knee-combo and a free flying lesson. I admit his landing was ungraceful, he has to work on that. But maybe after he comes to. Hit his head pretty hard…

“Nice moves, babe!“ she tells me. …Indeed, nice ones.

“Nice moves yourself,” she’s charming. “Wanna friendly match? I bet you’re good! Really good!” What a wonderful devilish grin she has… Green eyes, brown hair, black pants, red jacket… And a little white shark tattooed on her neck.

“I love that kind of woman, who can kick my ass. But let’s start with coffee first. My treat.”

I’m sure this is the beginning of something big and wonderful.

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