This could have been such a nice, sunny day to doze off, having nothing to do, but to fit my butt between the bulges on the couch and stare at the telly. Occasionally yelling at it, or giggling, or snoring- maybe…
I merit to have those days in sweet neglect of the world outside my living room! I really do.
I’m a nice guy, you see. Easy to cope with, understanding, a good friend, polite, a hard worker… But lately, all I get is a shit load of trouble I didn’t sign in for…
If you stick around you’ll see soon enough. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
It’s a bright sunny day. Saturday. Heavenly sleeping in, till twelve – as planned. Breakfast: cold pizza- I think from yesterday- coffee and a smoke. Phone ringing. Again… Probably mum. Not going to pick it up anyway. Not in the mood for any told-you-so-speeches, goosed up with emotional blackmail, and remorse inducing motherly love. Not to talk about constant inquisition ´bout having a girlfriend yet, questions if I have been eating real food, and so on.
But wait, there is more! That Saturday attempts to be a real killer.
Suddenly in the basement there is the sound of breaking glass. A Burglar?
I grab my old hockey stick and – The front door slams open. What the hell?! Stomping sounds from the porch. Even if I duck, I’m not fast enough. A big, heavy guy tackles me. We hit the floor just near the couch. Ah, I feel shattered.
Yelling. “Lay low!” Right into my ear. Shit!
I turn my head to see what just happened. No way! There’s a THING! Something. A half transparent squid like object floats at the ceiling, where I’ve been standing two seconds ago. Big guy is shoves himself between that thing and me, swinging a bat.
“Here, birdie birdie! Come and get somethin’ really good” he’s singing sweetly. This is too surreal.
Can’t help it. I crack in insane laughter. Big guy turns his head slightly. „DON’T!” His voice hisses. “Give me that!” He points at the hockey stick. I push it over to his feet, where he can slowly pick it up, eyes locked on that thing.
“On your feet,“ he commands. “Now whatever you do, don’t let it touch you. You get infected or something. You’d walk around like a freaking zombie, with a weird happy face…”
„What’s wrong with that?“ Now I’m curious. A happy face? By the word zombie I’ve imagined a brainless, stiffly moving corps, with dropped jaws an a hunger for fresh brain.
„It’s unnatural. It creeps me out”
Well, so much explanation – still… “Would I want to eat brains, or crunch someone’s face off?”
“How the hell should I know?! I wasn’t touched by that squid-bird-thing!” Big guy is swirling the bat above his head, knocking the tentacles away. The creature makes a screeching noise. “It doesn’t like you,“I state.
“You don´t say!“ He has a big stupid grin on his face. “Don´t let it touch the ground! Or the bear-leech-somethings, or snail creatures will come up the basement- or the floor, or the garden. Those things really eat you alive!”