holy shit, free opening sentences

  1. “Now that’s afterlife,” the ferryman pointed out amused with his clicking teeth, “you really are a busy body.”
  2. I feel like I should say something clever, or sassy, but I am cold and need my clothes back. Please?
  3. My right formed a pretended gun and fired: BANG, BANG – was I surprised when I hit the target…
  4. “What’s the matter sweetheart, never taken a shortcut before?”
  5. “I’m on the highway to hell,” I blared on performing CPR.
  6. My daughter Emily loves pancakes with chocolate chips and bananas, but this Emily at the table is all wrong, and she won’t let me go.
  7. “Not that you could ever use it, but that’s the secret of creation,” Lucifer nudged gently the leaves of the potted daisies.
  8. “I’ve been thinking,” she cut the foxglove flowers into fine stripes and put them into the teapot, “maybe you need a long nice holiday, darling.”
  9. “That ridiculous excuse of a human being was the god of locks,” Paine shook his head in disbelief.
  10. “Now everybody, repeat,” I stood at the speaker’s desk, pausing for effect, “I AM FREE!
  11. “Yeah, I’d go for a big, hairy ‘n all teeth sidekick,” Lev wrung his fist with a fit of elation, as the goblin nodded approvingly.-producing a huge slobbery pug in the size of a pony…
  12. I heard him snicker over his “Ladies first”, so I threw a chair at his face, that’ll teach him.
  13. “Why are you shooting at me?”
  14. I shared a bunk with a quiet man, a huge afro-american cyborg, with the average of ten words and two facial expression a week.
  15. The tall shadow of Lieutenant Rizzo appeared in the doorway, bubbling drunken zombie words, „sowhyamupnwhuusresponsble?”
  16. I lowered the stethoscope and the heavy door swung open.
  17. The pink tutu bounced up and down as the little girl ran away from my yard, screaming for her mommy.
  18. “Less talking, more running,” Ivanov grunted, cranking the control lever on the emergency life support system.
  19. Adam smirked, floored the gas pedal, and the car skid around the corner.
  20. The tiger yawned, looked at me pitifully, folded his paws and studied my CV, not trying to hide his boredom.
  21. Sleipnir dipped over the event horizon, and started broadcasting “I got you Babe” over all emergency channels.
  22. “Fuck off, grasshopper,” the monks sucked his teeth and let his arrow fly.
  23. “Don’t know, whose dream is this anyway,” the monkey asked, “I’m bored already!”
  24. “Sorry,” I managed a confused face, “I don’t speak bullshit.”

  25.  “Well?” The Spanish Inquisitor leaned forward expectantly, quill ready to note my unspeakable sins. He will be flabbergasted!
  26. The Yellow Emperor glanced into the mirror and smirked, taking over the realm of humans was easier than he thought. “All that Selfie-business is playing nicely into his hands.”

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