ARIES

This week you are under the guidance and protection of the Ancient Eldritch Entities, aka THE cephalopods. It’s the eye of a Giant Ethereal Cuttlefish, that judges you 24/7. You will be up on the soul-board next month. You will be judged and disputed upon in the course of following nine days; even your first bids may arrive. We suggest you show your best or your worst. Whichever will do.

TAURUS

You may feel that you want to work more with your hands. That feeling coursing through your muscles will remain with you. What a curious feeling! Dig your hands into the garden soil, into the sand in children’s playground, let your fingertips taste the cold clay if you dig the hole for that body.

GEMINI

In the secret garden, the black flowers will bloom tonight. You know what that means, don’t you? They will need that special warm, iron-rich, organic fertilizer. The drug will reach full potency if the plant’s thorns show that peculiar crimson glow in the new moon’s light.

CANCER

The glamour will soon wear off. You will be yourself once again. You can return to your roots, and live the life you were supposed to live. OR… You could remain under the influence of the spell, and keep up the illusion. If so, sacrifice what is dearest to you. Collect its blood in an ivory cup, burn and roast its meat on Laurelwood, make its hide into a coat.

LEO

It’s time for the equinox fires. It is your task to build and light that fire. That vague sense of unease is going to keep you company. If it turns into a forest fire, it will carry your name into history. Amber and ash will make your friends and family prosperous; all of them but you.

VIRGO

If you are lost in the woods, especially on dark nights, you will be found by an old woman. She may appear as a girl or an adolescent at first sight, but you will feel that she is beyond age. She can protect you, take care of you if you want. Just a warning, don’t accept any offerings, and we mean water and food, if you want to leave.

LIBRA

There is a huge dark cat sitting on your window sill. It’s kind of half visible, flickering in and out of existence. We do not know how, or why, or why it chose you. Seems you have a cat now. We suggest you always keep her bowls full with fresh water and superior cat food. Also, keep an empty bowl for the entropic regurgitation of the void. Be grateful, you are her caretaker.

SCORPIO

If you suffer from combat-related PTSD or other psychological malfunctions, consider staying at home for this week. Don’t read the newspaper, don’t watch TV or listen to the radio. Put on the noise canceling headphones so you won’t hear the screams. If not, it’s business as usual.

SAGITTARIUS

That peacock headdress is very pretty, it suits you. Nevermind the curse. We know you had no choice. You had to have it, no matter what. Buying it was the best course of action, we know there were other options. Even with those red stains on your hands and under your nails, you look fabulous! We hope you preserved a tiny bit of your humanity, for late supper.

CAPRICORN

Paths are habits of a landscape. On your path, there are bloodhounds. They’re hard on your trail. Congrats! Your prejudice and the meaning you found in life are the habits of your reality. You cannot go back. Never. You chose this life. Now run.

AQUARIUS

It’s time for the equinox fires. It is your task to extinguish the fire, by whatever means you see necessary. We will give you a hint. Gasoline and blood aren’t worth a try if you face a forest fire; any fire actually. Water usually does the trick, holy water more so. Always keep a priest by your side.

PISCES

Your home is a castle, but you have to live in the dungeon. The sweet scent of rotting straw and mildew lies in the air. You are the king of your castle and you will be pampered and adored. For now, bear with the butler and his idea of a proper dinner.  Halfdead rats and rainwater trickling from the walls. Maybe it’s not rainwater, but after three days that doesn’t matter.

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