“I admit, it was a kneejerk reaction,” John shivered. We were both nearly naked and dripping wet. The dive I took into the frozen lake was an accident, and John did his best to rescue me. He had a conscience after all. It was his fault that I broke in, in the first place. So he pulled me out, brought me back to the mansion. The blanket I had on my shoulders started itching. I hoped his itched as well. Continue reading “bruises”

C-PTSD progress

C-PTSD progress

I’ve been reading Pete Walker’s- C-PTSD from Surviving to Thriving, and some of his phrases really hit me. It clicked with me so hard, that I had a lucid dream about it.

As a surviver I try to find new meaning in my life, to listen to my heart more, and care less about others. I slowly un-learn my adaptations, and try not to be on the edge that often. It’s a process, really. Slow paces up the mountain, sometimes sliding back down. Patience. I tell myself, after all It’s been more than two decades of abuse, that can’t go away that easily. Continue reading “C-PTSD progress”

space monkey mafia (1)

space monkey mafia (1)

dangers of underserved power – a chuck wendig prompt

I wave a cheeseburger in front of the animal. The chimpanzee observes carefully. He nods vigorously, showing teeth. His ears flap. Chuck’s the only chimp I know to prefer burgers over bananas, or fruits, or gummy bears. He’s a primate in every way.

Probably I could bribe him with booze and cigarettes too. Nearly a human…

I point at the screen. The pattern is so slow, that even the stoned biology student catches up.  Continue reading “space monkey mafia (1)”

Traitor’s Hell

Traitor’s Hell

chuck wendig prompt – song lyrics prompt

…”Don’t you ever tame your demons, but always keep’em on a leash” … HOZIER, ARSONIST’S LULLABY



Cold. Someone slaps me. It’s wet, hard. And freezing. My arms and legs hurt. Can’t move. Getting dark.

“Wake up, rat. You won’t duck justice!” Barking. Far away a dog barks. “WAKE THE FUCK UP! Don’t you dare to die! 911- Hello? Yes. Send an ambulance, fast. Corinth 1507. There’s been a fire. Yes, male, Caucasian, shot several times. I don’t know… Yeah… I’m starting CPR.”

Continue reading “Traitor’s Hell”

Orlov & The Pink Raj (1)

Orlov & The Pink Raj (1)

“It says John Doe.” My own voice seems distant and alien. The thin hospital bracelet catches the afternoon light, and I’m more than tired. The bruised skin below the white plastic still hurts.

The car engine hums over the country music, seeping from the radio. John taps his fingers to the beat. I wish he’d stop.

Everything makes my skin crawl, including my reflection. I catch a glimpse of my black eye, and the bloodshot green one, googling back at me. I look like I have been in a bar fight with a drunk moose and a lunatic grizzly. The cut on my lip burns. The moose and the bear stop wrestling and laugh at me instead.

The seatbelt’s tug feels too tight…

Continue reading “Orlov & The Pink Raj (1)”

Many Names

Many Names

The Hunt rises, shy at first, she flashes a smile

bright and milky above the star light’s exile

shapes grow solid, fog turns to trees and hills

Isn’t this how the world gets its thrills?


spontaneous existence without cause,

dazed and wedged between universal flaws

a snatch of song under the skin of a lion

sparked by Morningstar in love with Orion. Continue reading “Many Names”

Shadow Duties and the Word of Beasts

Shadow Duties and the Word of Beasts


“Sumimasen…“ It’s a reflex, really. I shouldn’t have…

I hold out the single warm glove, I pick up. The old lady turns around and stares in many shades of confusion playing around her eyes. I must have spoken Japanese. Her brows shoot up, seeing her glove in my hand.

“Thank you laddie! Bless you.“ I smile and bow slightly. Bright sunshine warms my back. The heavy tarry feeling on my hand stays, like mud on boots. The old lady turns away and hobbles down Park Lane. Her grey tweed jacket flickers with shadow and light, as she passes under the canopy of the trees nearby.

No matter how hard I try, the sadness stings in my throat, burns behind my eyes. I rip my gaze away from her back.

The old lady dies.

Today… Continue reading “Shadow Duties and the Word of Beasts”