See? Nothing unusual. The doctor pats me on the shoulder and goes back to the only occupied e-bed. I go through the scans of Decker’s insides, from head to toe for the hundredths time. Brooding over it won’t help. Chalk it up to delirium. Trust me. He turns and flashes a big bright smile. I’m a doctor. Continue reading “med bay snippet #4”
„Today’s the day! The day you’ve been waiting for: ‚LOSE THE KINK OR LOSE THE LIMB‘!“ A pleasant male voice booms through a bright space. Applause and deafening cheers wake Una from her slumber.
Her mouth feels fuzzy.
She doesn’t remember going to bed. Instead, she remembers doing seventy on the interstate ninety-five, just past Trenton. She is on her way to the most important test screening in her carrier. Evening news, here she comes! That job has her name written all over it. Una Hawthorn, the new face on ABWD.
I bring in the tray with a steaming teapot and two gold-rimmed cups. John throws me an amused looked. „Tea? Really?“ He’s happy to throw me out of my house. I’m just a joke to him.
„Courtesy. One last time. Before…“ I put down the tray on the coffee table. Tears sting in my eyes. I cannot force them back down.
„You brought it on yourself!“ He does not hide his annoyance. I nod and pour in the hot liquid into the cups. He takes a sip. „Mmm, good.“
I do not drink it, I just stare. „It’s monkshood.“
Is this one of your stupid jokes, Rains? What do you mean with, ‘Decker isn’t Decker?’ He’s hooked to E-bed 2, in quarantine, thanks to you. Care to elaborate? He raises an eyebrow. I know the doc doesn’t approve that I ripped off the seal. The best I could do, to trigger the alarm.
I shake my head, but plunk down into the seat, the doctor offers me. He tries to look me in the eyes. I know perfectly well, that what I’m about to say is just crazy… Doc pushes a cup of fresh coffee over to me and glances down his watch. This all – it sounds batshit crazy, even to me.
Look doc, I’m… I don’t know. I – I just – I have to tell someone. Makes me feel less… Continue reading “med bay snippets # 3”
The soft purring of the monitoring alarm on my watch wakes me, by vibrating. I’m up…
I tell the watch and it recognizes my voice. The command kills the alarm.
Sleeping at the med bay is seldom a good idea, and sleeping at a working station – uh, table – is downright irresponsible. I rub my face into some kind of wakefulness and wish I could rub my back into a painless state. Continue reading “med bay snippets #2”
Color code: Captain Edward Wong; Lieutenant Marius Rains; Lt. Anatol Decker; MD Oscar (Oz) Wellington; Dr. Samara Frazer; Crewman* Proto Septimus;
I look at my bandaged hand in the unnatural green light of the exam room. Nasty… That’s what I would say if my mouth would do its job. Lips and tongue are swelling and numb. I try not to be too suspicious by licking them. I bet, if you eat a swarm of angry hornets, it would feel the same. Not the regular ones, but the big, Japanese ones, with a mean attitude.
“Rise and shine, honey.” Urs says, eye locked on the road. One hand on the wheel, the other gently patting the leather jacket Red uses as blanket. He yawns and lets in some fresh air. She stretches in the passenger seat, and throws a brief look behind them. On the back seat, Cornelius is sprawled out, softly breathing in the rhythm of a sleepwalking horse.
They are nearly over the mountains by now, the rain has stopped. The engine hums, as if was a part of the nature on the other side of the windshield. Bright yellow glows at the edge of the grey clouds. The sun is breaking through. Continue reading “Roadtrip”
There are places, which make me stop and think for a while.
A lot of these places are in Japan… I can’t say it’s just the small little streets and corners. Sometimes it’s a crowded place in Kyoto, or a nearly empty little street in Shibuya, a playground in Minami Nagareyama, a JR ferry in Hiroshima… They differ from each other so greatly, that I wonder if they are even on the same planet – which obviously they are.
Maybe it is a simple panic attack, or derealization experience I had…
Only, if it wasn’t for that deja-vu…
I’ll be more precise.
The feeling they give me, makes me stop. Suddenly I have not enough breath in my lungs and my feet stretch to touch the core of the planet. A weird kind of buzzing fills the space between my ears…
I’ve been here before, haven’t I? Continue reading “thoughts on shuffle”
Alec’s remark falls from my shoulder.
“Stop motivating the bleeding,” I tell him. “Be more helpful. Here, hold this. Stop shaking. Just hold it, with two fingers. Ok?” I guide his fingers around the sereffine. Luckily he has surgical gloves on.
We’re on the right track. I’m nearly done, only the skin suture left to be done. I did a rather good job. Nothing fancy, still enough left to do a patch-up.
I take the sereffine back, and sling the suture material around it. Tightening it once, twice, just to be sure a third time too. The sereffine comes off. “There. See? No more blood.” I state and finish the work.
I’ve always been afraid of the dark.
My whole life I was scared when the lights went out. When the day dissolved into the night, I crawled, as fast as I could, under my blankets, leaving my reading lamp on. Often the whole night.
But things change…
There is no reading lamp – not anymore. No blankets. I sit in my chair, smoke and wait for the dusk to come. The grayness descends so slowly, carefully, not to scare anyone away.
Emerging from the business of midday, from the productivity others use to care for, the twilight spawns. Slowly unfolding, growing… As if breaking up the surface of reality, the fuzziness within and around things reveals itself.
In those moments I feel my heart beating stronger, louder, faster… As if it would respond to a call, I did not hear in the first place. Ill-defined movements under a dust layer. Left alone, for so many centuries. Left to feel despair, to feel guilt, to feel … myself, my flaws.