delusional wisdom

Why are the nights brighter and less delusive, than broad daylight?

Is it because I know it’s a dream I’m observing?

Is it the lack of cause and effect?

Is it the knowledge of not being punished?

Am I innocent? Can I convince myself, that I did no harm?

Did it ever cross my mind, that I won’t stop suffering?

Will I ever give it a rest?

The only chance my heart gets to speak to me – the only truth and desires – is when I dream. And I am not listening! Not even then!

What does that tell you about me?

the morning star

the morning star
I’m in love with the morning star.  (pt 1)

Love and sacrifices are only meant for mortals…

Those were fate’s plans for the prince. His aberrant behavior lead to something more than the insignificance of a dust speckle. Still…

The deep blue void has many laws, unknown to humans. Which all-living things have to follow. Only very few of them referring to earth and the contamination of it. Some of them are about the balance of darkness and light, but most of them are about the void. The nothing, the emptiness, containing everything – black, white, blue, yellow, heat, radiation and vacuum. The world of a star. Everything hostile to a human body and life. Continue reading “the morning star”

the name of the morning star

the name of the morning star
I’m in love with the morning star.

This is not only about me, my stories, or my search.

It’s about the sky and the stars, and everything behind that deep blue void. Behind that distance, the stone cold space, deprived of… meaning?

No.

That’s not right.

It isn’t the lack of meaning.

Continue reading “the name of the morning star”

bad guy good luck

Did you ever ask yourself, why the good ones get the kick in the teeth? And the bad ones get that friendly clap on the shoulder?

It´s what they wish for themselves. Fate is an ancient fairy godmother, with  bad hearing, and bad sight. Sensing only the subconscious wishes – I’m worthless, I’m repulsive, I want to die, I need to be punished, I don’t deserve this…

“Well, if you wish my dear. BAM!”

Your TV explodes. The car dies. You lock yourself out of your apartment. Your  promotion goes to the next best guy. Your boy/girlfriend leaves you with nothing than the bad milk in the fridge. Your cat runs away…  

– It stings. It does.

You don´t have to tell me! That slap on your face,  leaving a burning mark for months. And you feel like a kicked dog, left outside, wet, hungry and freezing. 

And there are others. Yes, others. Cheating, deceiving, blackening, badmouthing, shamelessly – effortlessly- falling up the ladder. Cashing in. Those bastards…

Look at you! You are either smiling or feeling disgusted.

the panther (by Rainer Maria Rilke) – and its claw marks on me

the panther (by Rainer Maria Rilke) – and its claw marks on me

His vision, from the constantly passing bars,

has grown so weary that it cannot hold

anything else. It seems to him there are

a thousand bars; and behind the bars, no world.

.

As he paces in cramped circles, over and over,

the movement of his powerful soft strides

is like a ritual dance around a center

in which a mighty will stands paralyzed.

.

Only at times, the curtain of the pupils

lifts, quietly—. An image enters in,

rushes down through the tensed, arrested muscles,

plunges into the heart and is gone.

Continue reading “the panther (by Rainer Maria Rilke) – and its claw marks on me”