I’ve been reading Pete Walker’s- C-PTSD from Surviving to Thriving, and some of his phrases really hit me. It clicked with me so hard, that I had a lucid dream about it.
As a surviver I try to find new meaning in my life, to listen to my heart more, and care less about others. I slowly un-learn my adaptations, and try not to be on the edge that often. It’s a process, really. Slow paces up the mountain, sometimes sliding back down. Patience. I tell myself, after all It’s been more than two decades of abuse, that can’t go away that easily. Continue reading “C-PTSD progress”
I’m sick at home, and I have a camera, and some pewter figures – and I did a thing.
The Problem with Magic Thank you, Mladen and WritertoWriters
There is no such thing as magic.
Real magic is extinct.
I watched it die.
I can’t remember when I saw the last trace of its nurturing light. Odd… Come to think of it, it’s nearly two thousand years. I remember Alexandria. Wait, no. No. That’s not right.
The last time I recall sensing magic was in the Middle Ages. It isn’t a good, nor a very successful one. It’s more of a petty attempt to hide money. The man, in his third decade, speaks the words. A carney. Sloppy and slurred words, no meaning where it should be. He doesn’t know what he says.
Continue reading “The Problem With Magic”
Part 1 - The Cold Mountain
Part 2- Tea with Jade and Tiger
MONKEY ON THE ROAD
The silhouette of San Chou gleams between the three green hills of the southern part of the Yellow River. Like a hungry locust reaches a rice paddy, I reach San Chou, five days after Jade, Tiger and I part at my father’s house. My father is Zhang Dee Yang, the most honored governor of Li Jiang. His high hopes are resting on my shoulders. Jade and Tiger, his friends come along to help me complete my mission.
Continue reading “tiger, burning… (3)”
Gray comet ice melting in green ocean water,
that’s what your eyes remind me of… salty cold.
Our time, the bright of friction heat and falling,
the mess, this ‘us’ refuses to be –
I remember, grasping, understanding, holding,
clinging – all the same to me: believing, hoping,
My love can keep both of us safe, I’m sure
becoming haven to stormy waters…
And the comet crashes. Burning, bleeding,
consuming all I have to give, and all I am
My hull keeps you company, memory of warmths
I have lost, I crumble…
and let you go…
I let you live, to find your own idea of… happiness
inspired by ‘Hold on‘ by Jacob Ibrag
There are places, which make me stop and think for a while.
A lot of these places are in Japan… I can’t say it’s just the small little streets and corners. Sometimes it’s a crowded place in Kyoto, or a nearly empty little street in Shibuya, a playground in Minami Nagareyama, a JR ferry in Hiroshima… They differ from each other so greatly, that I wonder if they are even on the same planet – which obviously they are.
Maybe it is a simple panic attack, or derealization experience I had…
Only, if it wasn’t for that deja-vu…
I’ll be more precise.
The feeling they give me, makes me stop. Suddenly I have not enough breath in my lungs and my feet stretch to touch the core of the planet. A weird kind of buzzing fills the space between my ears…
I’ve been here before, haven’t I? Continue reading “thoughts on shuffle”