every night, I’m sick.
every day, it gets worse.
how can I sleep, if I don’t dream?
I only have nightmares
no food left to eat,
I can’t leave, I can’t sleep.
So I make myself some tea,
while the nausea eats me.
How can it be? That I still believe?
that something waits for me…
Bitter and empty, I start shaking
wrapped into dirty blankets,
I’m only nightmares.
Oh, god. Terrible. Ghastly. I’m going to be sea-sick. Or wine-sick, or just… sick.
“Don’t you dare! No! Don’t throw up! I caught that fish! Why did you drink so much wine, anyway?” Her pitching voice drilling itself into my head. More than annoying. Plus… I managed to get myself stuck here, on this boat. With her. In the middle of nowhere, without wind, without oars.
Fuck. That’s what I get. Serves me right, trying to screw her. Being romantic ‘n stuff. I think. I gonna…
“Son of a bitch! You owe me a lunch and a warm bed! You owe me good time! You little shit! Scumbag! Idiot! You brought us here! You prick, get us back! I won’t put up with you another week! I swear I’m gonna kill you.”
“No! No wine for you! No! Bad! Bad girl! Put that plate down. It’s the last one. It isn’t fair! My leg is in splinters. Oh, come on! I can’t even move.” But she’s right. I owe her. Much more than that…
She pulled me out of the water. I would have drowned, mangled up and unconscious. I owe her my life. She has to do all the work. And I just lay here giving instructions. It’s ok. She has every right to vent on me. Surviving that storm was a wonder, anyway. The currents though. I donno where we’ve been drifting too. Luckily we’ve got fresh water from the rain. But no more painkillers. Wine is a bliss. At least passing out from wine is better than passing out from pain. I’d wish I had some better stuff. The night is coming. It’s going to be freezing. Starlit autumn sky.
The full moon is rising above the black waters. It’s going to be nasty.
“If we survive this, I’m going to make you pay!” She yells. I hope we get rescued, before she throws me over board.
“It’s ok. I know. You’re my mad girl…”
The train rumbled on.
It was a bumpy ride and the hot coffee in my hand spilled over my knee. The yelping sound I made, escaped before I could catch it. I bit my lip, and breathed out heavily. Suddenly I had the urge to scream.
My mirrored face grinned, as a thick blood drop left my lower lip, to paint a wet red street down my chin. The stain on my knee turned already cold. I caught the blood drop in the paper cup with the steaming coffee.
I forced myself to look at the landscape flying by. The copper taste of my own blood made me swallow. It tasted like throbbing broken will. My fangs dug deeper into the soft tissue of my cheek. Remember! You are human now! I told myself. Looking into my own eyes I steadied my breath.
Still… I felt the itching of my fur beneath my soft skin. It itched like hell. It was not supposed to be showing, just when touched by moonlight. The night is coming for you… I heard my blood whispering to me. Only one way to soothe my soul. I wanted to howl so badly. I felt the moon up already. My eyes turned yellow. Only one way to soothe my soul. I growled a bit. When is here no one around? My wolf is showing, trying to break down the door. My nails scratched slightly at the fabric of my jeans and coat. I licked my lip.
Before transformation- full moon was in two days- my smelling sense was exploding, boosting me beyond any human sense. Even if I didn’t want it to, I couldn’t help myself. I sniffed in the air hungrily, licking my lips and squeezing my eyes shut. Fragrances crushing above me, trying to drown me. It took a little time to adjust, to see- what was real, what I felt. Those threads people, pets and food left here… It always amazed me, how humans could suppress those informations. I couldn’t. Not now.
Once I saw a man,
a man standing by a lake.
His alabaster glass skin
glowed blue, touched by
the full moon´s light.
Around his head the nimbus of
black hair floating – like seaweed
in unseen currents of wrath,
pain and revenge.
small fish hid there
as well as plastic trash.
I cannot forget those eyes
made of darkness.
that grin flashin´,
distorted godlike face-
those currents of time
and space screaming for