You smile and we arise, we crash, and I die thousand deaths again and again.
Come dance, I’ll trow glitter
The mirror’s bullet ’n trigger
Tell me this is you ‘n me
all in – against me
Flying kicks, trow a punch
hopes break with a crunch
your foot’s on my neck
it’s uglier this way, a nick
on the cheek you kiss
no reflections, just a hiss
I’m already fighting me
What’s it to another one?
Your tongue’s a gun
Why’d you want all the fun?
Is it two against one?
So what’s another one?
wait till you feel my weight
I’m no good in this state
the warmths of my gratitude
flowing away like blood
Are you fighting me?
I’m not the only one…
don’t show me around
-I feel I’ve been here before
these secrets of you I can’t keep
wrap me up in your cold hands,
there’s this image of you
talk to me, when I’m on the floor
not sure if I should tell you
something important you lost
in a cruel cruel world
something about you changed
still you look the same
you have to make up your mind
if you go or stay by my side
Image from Kill Bill
A friend of mine got himself stuck in a bad situation, between two women. I overheard an argument he had the other day. He said: “Being in love? How is that good? Like telling someone, that he/she has cancer, but not the very bad kind.“
It was like a kick in the teeth.
That kind of despite-
I mean, I’m the first one to understand, and to emphasize with someone going through the hurt dwelling in relations between humans. …But this? I never thought of loving like this. Cancer, my ass!
Don’t get me wrong. I know love is a shapeshifter.
Sometimes it’s a huge waterfall roaring over the edge, and you can’t escape its currents, no matter how hard you struggle.
Sometimes it’s a burning mountain, devouring everything in its way, sucking out the air of your lungs, boiling your eyes.
Sometimes it’s a warm meal, waterproof shoes and a coat.
Sometimes just a “Good morning, how are you today?”.
Sometimes it’s a hand to hold, when you’re in pain…
I have tag called: LOVEISTHEPROBLEM. A quote from Aeon Flux, when asked what she knew. Even if didn’t looked like it – I’ve always admired love and lovers. I’ve always marveled to the changes love caused.
I don’t know how it’s different, from other people in love. But when I am – I start to act weirdly.
Parts of me try to be better. That positive feeling sneaking up behind me, and giving me a hug. I’m try to lose fear. Try to be the best I can be. Because the other one deserves nothing from my fear, anger and frustration.
I try to create a free space for the significant other. A place to come to rest. A place to be true, without expectations, without fear. A place where nothing bad happens, because you and your needs are welcomed. The way you are. A place allowing everything you and your partner are. Fully. Accepted. Embraced. Dealt with. Satisfied. A place without remorse, without shame.
This is what I think of loving.
I can’t wait for those nightmares
bad choices snicker at my scares
on the fence I’m drying my sins
guts of a scapegoat fixed with pins
Light the fuse, I sit on bombs
I’d stick to the world in your palms
I can’t stop grinding my teeth
Excuse me, let me breathe!
Don’t tie me to the back seat!
You can’t hear me praying on repeat.
When I wake up I’m afraid,
I feel cold and betrayed
Secretly hiding your good-bye letter
into the sleeves of my favorite sweater
knotted around your swaying waist
We dance – a death tango, fast paced
Somebody’s beneath my face
Somebody else took my place
Let me go, or start listening!
you look – my heart’s blistering
hands tied to a knot
my lies will be sacrificed
my soul is sprained,
spirit fading – fall or run?
the only choice to make it right,
from dawn to dawn,
to drink the blood of dusk.
black guitar on my chest,
play it on and on, on ‘n on…
blue smoke between my teeth
I’d crow out my guts, if it’d helped.
the sun goes down,
I’m still lying on the ground.
still hands tied to a knot.
it lingers on and on- dusk’s dead.
play me, trick me on and on,
there is another dawn ahead.
sun goes down on a sorry day
music crawls under my ache
blue smoke fills all dull taverns
waiting for some old crooks
to spill beer and blood.
I’m worse, than I’ve ever been;
you make me forget, the shape I’m in
my beautiful angel are you proud?
dirt covered illusions in a rusting heart
you have to pull me out of this mud
hands down on a floor full of smithers
bit my tongue, to your copper taste
I’d die smashed in your arms tonight
your sweetness’ feels right
your eyes poised and ready
to finish me off with a bitter laugh