Janus

I can’t stop myself from looking at him – snow white skin, hair, dark as chocolate, topaz eyes borrowed from a bird of prey, soft lips, bowed in a mischievous arch – vibrant memories, which won’t  let me sleep, won’t let me close my eyes. Even if I do, I’ll open them up, asap. Feeling his breath, his gaze peeled to whatever there is to be to be noticed in my face.

Even in the darkness of the room, drawn curtains, and the half moon shining… Even in the solid black mist his eyes seems to glow in that strange orange golden light. He seems to emit it, his faces, his mouthes, his shiny teeth… All screaming curiosity.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I´ve never seen someone fall asleep before.”

“What? Never? Why?”

“I never sleep. So I’m curious.”

“Suit yourself.” Indeed, I’m exhausted, and ´bout to fall asleep. “So you never sleep, hm? Do you – ever dream?” My lips move lazily. The bed sheets still hot and messed up. Feeling heavy on my skin.

“Yes. But mine are different from yours. I do not lose myself doing so.” His voice softens, moves closer somewhere near my left temple. “And when you’ll lose yourself, you’ll be empty – a living, breathing hollow shell. Just waiting.” His voice sounds now like a whisper, moves suddenly from my left to the right ear… Of course -forgot- two mouthes. Two tongues. Strangely, they sound the same.

Can’t open my eyes, sleep burns inside of them. It is a soft warm black, that keeps dripping, dissolving into my mind. “Mhm. What for?” Words drop out hazily, I just breathe them out.

“For me, to do as I please… Shhh, now. Go back to sleep…”

professional

He looked at the photo closely. His thumb felt the glossy surface of the printed paper. Black and white. Actually this was the photo of a drawing.

The table was a mess. Coffe in different cups, different blends of age, vaporizing ever so slowly. The ashtray looked overcharged. Smoking can kill you- yes it can. The lack of it too…

“Yeah yeah, I know,” that she would say. He imagined  she rolled her eyes.

He was still staring at that picture. Following the outline of her jaw, the way her hair fell, her mouth, and stubbornly trying to avoid her eyes.

His back ached. He had to light the lamp. Outside, the world has been washed. Well, maybe not the whole world, just this side of town. Till now it has been a gentle rain. Usually perfectly fitting for work. But not today. Not yesterday, or the day before yesterday… Not perfect for the last two weeks. He sighed and laid his head on the desk. A headache was coming. He could feel it creeping up his back. Dammit. He won’t be able to sleep. The cold he was feeling on his temple and cheek was soothing. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“Ah, dammit. I have to do it.” He mumbled. They paid already. And he spent it …already.

He grabbed his little black book and went through the notes.

May 7th. She is shopping again. Things she already owns. Ridiculous pink. Childish giggling. He sighed exhausted. She made a boring and shallow impression on him. He  did not understand his client – but he did not have too. He just had to do his job. Accurate and on time.

May 8th. Visiting a  friend. More giggling. Taking photos of each other.

May 12th. She got nearly hit by a car. He has been right behind her and had jerked her back, with all his power. It was a reflex. No one could blame him for that… Even he had such reflexes left in him. She cried and had thanked him, then she ran off. She wasn’t relieved. He tried to follow, but she was faster. He thought she would need some dark corner or hole to hide in. He understood. He understood very well.

May 19th. Ice cream. Strawberry. Vanilla. Such a child. Cheerful as ever. When no one is observing, she sinks her nails into her thighs. There has to be a pain, but she isn’t flinching. What a Drama-queen! Today blue jeans. She met her crush in the streets. Puppy-love. If she knew, where that boy has been before, she’d never kiss that mouth.

turn here

“Hold onto someth-” He doesn’t finish his sentence.

The car skids round the corner with screeching tires. I already have my fingers digging deep into the backseat, but my head thuds against the window anyway.

He’s checking the rearview mirror. I’m not happy. And it’s written all over my face. I just keep my mouth shut, cause I’m grateful to the man who just saved my ass. No comments on his driving.

He floors the accelerator. I rub my head. “It’s going to be a lump” I state.

“Well, dude… That’s your smallest problem.” He grins and throws my wallet on the backseat.

“How did you get hold of it?” I wonder. I don’t remember that he could have swiped it… I look baffled to the mirror, but doesn’t look back, nor does he bother to answer. “Fine. Don’t tell me.”

“So… What do you have in your bag, that is so important?” He asks with a low rumble in his voice. What  have I gotten myself into again?

“Nothing!”

“Fine, don’t tell me. I’ll find it out by myself,” he laughs a throaty laugh. And it’s not benign. I grab my bag tight and lock my arms around it. “I´m just curious”, he tries.

“Curious, my ass!” I spit. Now he’s bursting into honest laughter, slowing the car down to normal speed.

“You hungry? I know a great place!”

jelly fish love

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Secretly, I hoped for this. Chance to see the jelly fish. Well, not like this… I hoped for this, but differently…

No, not my dive head first into the Moon jelly fish tank. That was an accident.

I slipped, I swear. I was supposed to check the filters. Thank god, there aren’t any costumers watching. They’d be laughing their heads off. I’d be probably too, if I wasn’t the loser taking a swim.

Lucky me, I did not fall into the Nomura’s jelly fish tank, or lion’s mane jelly fish tank. I’d be fucked. Painfully. Maybe lethally. The Moon jelly stings a bit though…

The current in the Kreisel tank is swift, I won’t be able to swim all night.

Now how do I get myself outta here?

snake magic

It´s been some decades now… Since things started to be calamitous and sinister. At first, she did not understand what happened. One early morning in June she woke to the  terrified screams of her husband. Why was he yelling like that? Was he in pain? That cursed morning she was still too sleepy to get her brain working. Horrified, he clawed at the lamp on the nightstand and hit her with it. He tried to blow her head with it… Why did he tried to kill her…

Becoming furious, she hissed at him, she spun around to face him -then she saw it!

In the mirror of their bedroom…

There was her husband, and instead of her, a huge black snake. She shrieked at her own reflection, but the sound she made peaked into a low dangerous hiss.

Woken up from the screams her oldest son ran into the room. Her five years old lovely son dashed in – moved directly between both of them. He was so fast, came up too close to her.

That blasted moment.

If she could cry, she would. She closed her eyes, that was the closest to human crying a snake could manage… Her nictitating membranes squeezed each a little droplet out.

And there it happened. It has been all reflex. She couldn’t stop herself.

She bit.

She killed her own son.

He died.

He died fast.

She knew, that there was no way anyone could save him. His  little body was too weak for her poison. She didn’t mean to… The only thing there was left for her to do, was to stay with him. She didn’t let anyone come close to him. Not even her husband.

A mother has to look in the eyes of her child. She has to… So she’d never forget, how death looks like.

She waited. Uncapable to do  any good for anyone she loved, she had to leave.

She managed  not to kill anyone else in her family. She managed to leave the mansion without meeting anyone else. She managed  not to kill cattle, nor chicken, nor ducks, nor goats. She had to get out and leave everything behind.

She had to be a snake now.

She slipped out of  her hole, and  searched for a sunny spot. The sun has always been friendly to her.

And from humans, she kept away, as long as possible. But they kept coming at her.

tick tick tick…

So, how do I get this working? IS this right? Can you see me now? Better now?

Do you hear me? Mobile? Are you serious?

Who the hell are you? Is there anyone else I can speak to? Like the bomb squad? Then get them on the phone, what are you?

A moron?

Oh god, why me? Why does this happen to me? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?

How the hell should I know? What do you mean “enemies”?

I’m sitting on a god damn bomb, what DO you think?

I don’t have a screwdriver, can I take a pocketknife? Where is it, where is it? So?

Am I doing this right? Wires? Here? Or there?

Should I cut this wire, or that one?

Which button? Which BUTTON?

WHICH FUCKIN´ button?

What kind of idiotic color is cyanblue? Can’t you say that?

Don’t tell me to calm down, cause I’m no pro, or do I sound like one? Whose ass is going to blow up in five minutes? Yours? Or mine?

Now which one? That?

What do you mean you don’t know?

Aren’t you guys from the bomb squad?

Guys?

Why does it make that sound?

Guys?

sockfairies

“Traditions define us! Loyalty means something to me. Even if it is just a word to you!” I say. Let’s be honest- I’m old fashioned. Restrain. Nothing but complains tonight. Anyway.

“This isn’t what I asked for, Ira!”

I roll my eyes. Still. I can’t be angry with her. This time I cannot give her what she wants. It is impossible. Even if this is our hundredth discussion. “I’d give my head on a plate. But don’t claim that. Please! Please…” She can be as annoying as a hungry puppy, while I’m eating a steak. “I told you. I can’t get you that! I do not have the autorisation for that! And I told you.” That can’t be helped. “I’m doing more than just risk my job for you. You know, what will happen, if they catch me. Getting fired is the most pleasant thing, that they could do to me.”

“I DON’T CARE!”

What?! She really said it… “I’m sorry, Ira. I didn’t mean to…”

“You did.” It hurts. Like swallowing glass shards. I forgot. Natasha is… Natasha. I knew she chose me for a reason, and stays with me as long as I serve her purposes. And I know she’s not in love, or anything. I don’t need her to… I’ve got enough for both of us. It will be good – for a while.

Maybe I… I. No. I don’t even know her real name. She lets me call her Natasha. When we first met, in ‘Roadrunner’, a night club, she was sitting at the bar, staring into her Martini. Not looking  for company, not interested at all. I was drunk and pretentious. I said, she looked like a ‘Natasha’. So she stuck with it. I don’t know, why she didn’t punch me in the face, for being such an ass.

She made it clear. The first night we spent together. She’s a stray. She doesn’t belong to anyone. Only to herself. Sweet Natasha. Her big  brown eyes burning with madness, or anger, or sex. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference. Her wonderfully soft lips, speaking those words with such cold cruelty. The clicking of her teeth, her jaw muscles working under the skin of her cheeks. She fought for those words. She fought herself. I fell for her, that night.

As the weeks passed, she showed her gratitude… In different ways. And it meant more to me, than I ever could imagine. More, than I wanted them to mean to me. So here I am. Living with a stray woman, who needs things… Things I can supply her with.

“Come on, Ira. I’m sorry. I really am! You know that. Come on. Look at me, darling. Please forgive me! You know I’ve got temper. I don’t want you to get hurt. My mouth was faster than my brain. Forgive me.” She smiles sad.

I smile back at her. “I’ll just say, that it was the sockfairies…”

“I’ll be there. To pick you up,” she promises.

But I know she’ll be gone. Maybe by morning. Maybe tomorrow, or next week…