hallucinating, aren’t we…


“It’s hot.”

No, it’s not. It is freezing. Of course. That absent dreamy look I know exactly. “Shit. Why you have to do this in the middle of a fucking storm? Nice weather is… nice, you know!” I can´t keep my eyes locked on his face, after all, I have to drive. “Did you…? Mhhh. Are you? Are you high?”

“No. It is going to snow pretty hard.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious! It’s been snowing for the last two days. Did you pack any supplies?”

“No, we don’t need…”

“What?! The cabin! You’re going to stay there for two weeks! Dammit. What are you thinking? Now, we have to turn ’round, to-”

“-NO! DON’T! We’ll be late!”

“Hey! Keep off your hands! Are you trying to kill us?! You ARE high! What the hell, did you take?”

“No-nothin’, honestly! I’m sober too. But. But I think I’m… I might be. I might be a bit crazy. No, no! Don’t be scared! I’m the good kind crazy, not that kind that kills.”

“Ooooh – Kay… Mhm. Should that – make me feel any better? I don’t see how…” He wasn’t staring into the snowstorm anymore. He pierced my skull with his eyes. Two gleaming spots. That burning sensation above my ears… I didn’t dare to look at him.

“You drive. I’ll keep the shadows away. And whatever you do… Don’t, just, don’t turn the lights off.”

my wolf is showing

The train rumbled on.

It was a bumpy ride and the hot coffee in my hand spilled over my knee. The yelping sound I made, escaped before I could catch it. I bit my lip, and breathed out heavily. Suddenly I had the urge to scream.

My mirrored face grinned, as a thick blood drop left my lower lip, to paint a wet red street down my chin. The stain on my knee turned already cold. I caught the blood drop in  the paper cup with the steaming coffee.

I forced myself to look at the landscape flying by. The copper taste of my own blood  made me swallow. It tasted like throbbing broken will. My fangs dug deeper into  the soft tissue of my cheek. Remember! You are human now! I told myself. Looking into my own eyes I steadied my breath.

Still… I felt the itching of my fur beneath my soft skin. It itched like hell. It was not supposed to be showing, just when  touched by moonlight. The night is coming for you… I heard my blood whispering to me. Only one way to soothe my soul. I wanted to howl so badly. I felt the moon up already. My eyes turned yellow. Only one way to soothe my soul. I growled a bit. When is here no one around? My wolf is showing, trying to break down the door. My nails scratched slightly at the fabric of my jeans and coat. I licked my lip.

Before transformation- full moon was in two days- my smelling sense was exploding, boosting me beyond any human sense. Even if I didn’t want it to, I couldn’t help myself. I sniffed in the air  hungrily, licking my lips and squeezing my eyes shut. Fragrances crushing above me, trying to drown me. It took a little time to adjust, to see- what was real, what I felt. Those  threads people, pets  and food left here… It  always amazed me, how humans could suppress those informations. I couldn’t. Not now.

no degree in humanology

no degree in humanology


“What?! That?! That mud ball? You´re kidding me, right? A fuckin´ joke!” He slams his fist on the monitor desk. The electronics, man! Watch it! I hate it when he does that.

Humans seem to have the uncontrollable urge, to transform emotional energy into kinetic energy. Useless, if you ask me, but I´m no expert in Humanology.

“No.” I don´t think it was a joke. The colony did well hiding the circumstances of this job description, behind carefully chosen words. Who would be dumb – or desperate – enough to get himself hired into this sector of the galaxy? Continue reading “no degree in humanology”

dreams of doomsday

dreams of doomsday

The steaming mug of tea drew a slow, hot circle in the laminate of the coffee table.

Normal physics. The best of it, the calming part. Not the going haywire for no fucking reason. Inside this room, my apartment. Everything seems to be stable for now.

Outside though… Visible vectors, stretching and distorting time and space… Things which should not be. Impossible things. Today I saw a bird climbing back into an egg, before exploding.

This is wrong… Everything… It doesn’t make sense. Continue reading “dreams of doomsday”



“WHAT THE-?! DID YOU SEE THAaachkkkrrsshhhh-”

What? Cracking. What did he say? Screeching. A loud bang…

The walkie-talkie falls silent. Tssk. I hate it when he does that. The burnt down cigarette ash falls into the tray. Fingers sweaty. Why does it always has to be me?!

I scan over the surveillance monitors. All cameras working properly. Empty rooms and corridors – Nothing unusual… Except for Benny. Who’s not showing up – anywhere. Where did he go? On duty?

Continue reading “statics”

the morning star

the morning star
I’m in love with the morning star.  (pt 1)

Love and sacrifices are only meant for mortals…

Those were fate’s plans for the prince. His aberrant behavior lead to something more than the insignificance of a dust speckle. Still…

The deep blue void has many laws, unknown to humans. Which all-living things have to follow. Only very few of them referring to earth and the contamination of it. Some of them are about the balance of darkness and light, but most of them are about the void. The nothing, the emptiness, containing everything – black, white, blue, yellow, heat, radiation and vacuum. The world of a star. Everything hostile to a human body and life. Continue reading “the morning star”

the name of the morning star

the name of the morning star
I’m in love with the morning star.

This is not only about me, my stories, or my search.

It’s about the sky and the stars, and everything behind that deep blue void. Behind that distance, the stone cold space, deprived of… meaning?


That’s not right.

It isn’t the lack of meaning.

Continue reading “the name of the morning star”



I don’t know what it is…

We just sit on the stairs, outside, in the darkness. No one speaks. Rain. It is a gentle, silent rain like in autumn; still summer though…

Inside, the party is in full swing. Laughing, music and shattering glass. Next to me she moves suddenly. The ice cubes clinks in her glass. I still have liquor left in mine.

„You know“, she states, letting her voice slip away into the blue. „You know, I’m different.“ I wait if she throws a meaningful look at me, but she doesn’t.

I stare at her silhouette, trying to spot the thing that isn’t right. Feels like… Don’t know. She is weird. Definitely. She talks with an accent I don’t know where to put…

Besides, who else would prefer the chill outside over a party? Who cares? Something about her face catches me, in first place. I think it is her eyes. She keeps them casted down. But from time to time, she seems to forget it, and I catch a glimpse.

She has unusually bright yellow eyes, glowing with a soft golden light. As if there is a lit candle in the depth of her scull.

„I’m a foreigner.“ She says in a flat tone. This time she looks at me. „You should not be here. With me.“ Her eyes darken. „Leave! They come to pick me up.“

sympathy for the devil

Do you want to know a secret?

Never told this anyone before. Not even grandpa or mommy knows about this. But I tell you, sweetheart. You are my grandchild, and I know you will understand this someday. I can tell. It is one of my most treasured adventures… Oh, don’t be silly! Yes, of course, granny had adventures of her own. But this one was by far, the most intensive.

Once, I met the devil! Yes, I did, I truly did. The devil, himself! Don’t make that face, it will stay that way! What? You hope it will? Hahaha, you rascal!

It was a day, like today. Hot, filled with birds singing, and butterflies playing above the flowers. Summer was gaining power. The days grew longer and the sky changed from the spring grayish-white to the strong blue, marking the arrival of lasting heat… The lime trees were blooming. Just like today. You smell their scent? Isn’t this wonderful?

Continue reading “sympathy for the devil”

too regular pebbles

She calls it saving good daylight. I call it too damn early. I’m not much more than sleepwalking, holding onto my hot coffee in a paper cup. I told the waiter, it should be able to wake dead. With a grin he made it extra strong. He even gave me an extra cookie, so I tipped him fine too.

Sugar and caffeine… The most wonderful things in the morning. Sugar, caffeine and Mona.

I curse myself for promising, to get out of bed this early. What was I thinking? I don’t have to.

Continue reading “too regular pebbles”