Useless map in my hands, gripped and folded neatly

It’s not where I’m supposed to be, not even nearly…

Where I’m going roads aren’t leadin’, but still needed.

There will be elementary darkness, when greeted –

Solid shadows from the balanced side of hell

lighting up torches of flesh, judging by the smell…

Nothing will flash its presence, to where I belong-

like crumpled up paper – my body won’t respond,

killing synaptic inferno, chemical burn dying

no more sparks to be gathered to a lightning

no more sweet moans, or arching back, no grace

nothing left to be released, diffused into open space…

Capture the blazing oblivion in irresistible pain!

Blinding gaze of ignorance … so stupid and vain.

the name of the morning star

the name of the morning star
I’m in love with the morning star.

This is not only about me, my stories, or my search.

It’s about the sky and the stars, and everything behind that deep blue void. Behind that distance, the stone cold space, deprived of… meaning?


That’s not right.

It isn’t the lack of meaning.

Continue reading “the name of the morning star”

pink dog

Her fingers played  with some pink post-it notes on her desk. She kept sticking their tales to one another. A blue pencil rolled away, nearly falling from the edge of the desk. She caught it right away.

The sigh she let hover around in her chest escaped. So bored.  Still… She felt exhausted. The ashtray was empty. She looked at it. Not a smoker, remember? …No. She did not remember. She was a supposed nonsmoker. Now she wondered if her guess was right. The truth was – she could not remember. At all.

That is the definition of amnesia, she told herself. So tired and annoyed by it all. The watch on the wall showed that the doctor was late. Already five minutes. She hated it when people were late. Something recoiled in her stomach. Enough waiting.

Continue reading “pink dog”