This is one of my worst ideas.

But I’m gonna do it anyway! I can’t just stand there and do  nothing.

Those men are pros… No mercy. At all. I’ve seen this before. They’ll injure that poor guy badly. What do you think will I get as a reward? A nice beat up. “Know what you’re in for”, that’s what my old man always used to say. Thank God he taught me some lessons, and a bunch of  tricks.

I’ve called for cavalry. Cooper’s on his way. He’s a black belt jiu-jitsu, and can avenge me, if needed… I hope not.

Well, whatever happens, happens!

*

“Dude! Why’d ya do thad foo?! I mean – I mean- thanx!” He muffles, holding his bleeding – most likely broken – nose. “Ah, mah tuuth”, he pickes up a white pebble. It actually is his tooth! He flashes a grin, but stops instantly. Chapped lips. Upper incisor’s missing. At least, he’s okay. What a guy…built like a silverback. But on the inside, he’s soft ‘n fluffy like the tail of a baby bunny rabbit.

“Broke?” His bloody index points at my arm. I think so – pulsing hurt. It did make a sick noise, when the bat crashed down on it. I nod. Cooper steps behind me and harrumphs lightly. Such a polite ass!

„Fucked up, huh?” His smooth voice hums. He’s not even pumped out! Why can he be so … perfectly …annoying! I’d roll my eyes, but one is swollen, and the effect’s lost. Nod instead. He makes a sympathetic face. So I DO look fucked up. Toothless-guy is pulling his belt.

“Wha!” What the hell? “Stop!” Even if he’s grateful… I’d have to decline. He’s not- um, my type?

“He’s right! We need to put your arm in splints. And get you both to a hospital” Cooper states. Gosh! He is also working on his belt. Well, in fact, that’s more like it! Yeah! Normally, that would turn me on, but… This isn’t the right place, or time for that. Since – Cooper doesn’t even know. Now don’t get the wrong idea…

What the hell! Think what you want!

*

“Be a good boy, take your painkillers. You’re a real jerk, ‘specially in the morning.” Cooper snorts.

“Don’t tell me what to do! And yeah. I AM crabby! You’d be too, if you’d have to share a room with a guy, who is snoring so loud, that he could bring a cathedral to collapse.” Plus I’ve been plastered and put in bandages. Not able to move properly. The whole night, I tried  to turn around, pondering if I should suffocate that snoring idiot, or not. This means toothless-guy: 1; sleep: zero.

Maybe I should’ve stayed the night at the hospital. Cooper insisted on babysitting me, or both of us. He’s the motherly type – not only caring, but a doctor too. Convenient, huh? Toothless-guy had nowhere to go and no money left… Yeah, I decided to stumble upon and mix myself into a fucking robbery. You can call me numb skull. So I take them in, isn’t that kind of me? I don’t remember it though, must’ve been those fantastic painkillers making me a damn instant saint.

“Okay, okay. Sorry!” I’m a jerk. Cooper makes me breakfast. I’m not a morning-person. Never will be. More importantly – there is freshly brewed coffee! “Oh my fairy godmother, pass me a mug of that magic black morning bliss. ”

Zib – toothless-guy – is still snoring. I swear, I’ll suffocate him!

“Did you get some sleep?” He wants to know. “No”

“Did your arm hurt?” “No”

“Want an orange?” “No”

“You need help with dressing? Or breakfast? “NO!”

“Will you answer me only with monosyllables?” “…No”

He’s smiling. “Yes, you do.” I’m a nice guy, take my pills, and let Cooper enjoy his instant saint.

*

I want pancakes, with chocolate sirup and blueberries. “How you like yours?” His voice hums again.

“Chocolate, berries.” My fairy godmother works in my kitchen, like it’s his all along.

“Both? That’s decadent…” Cooper turns around and smiles stupidly. As if he knows… Don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t blush! Dammit! I stare at the rug. There isn’t one anymore. I’ve spilled orange juice, Chinese food and coffee in the evening, must’ve been too groggy. Cooper rolls them up, concerned ’bout rug safety. My plastered arm isn’t of any help, I constantly bump into things. I even smash my own face with it. That’s what happens when you’re not used to the weight and inertia of a plastered arm. Zib and Cooper laugh alternately at my clumsiness. I’m a one big-unintentional-slapstick-entertainer… The arm itches like hell. And I blush at the simplest things, always have – but now I’ve got audience!  Lucky me…

A hand on my shoulder. “Ghaaa- I’m going to have a heart attack. Shish!”

“You’re a pussy!” Zib’s throaty voice whispers right into my ear. Oh, those bastards! Can’t believe they do this. They made it a contest… I bet they even have a tally. A blush-tally. On the way home, they’ve been making fun of my blushing on the way home. Cooper drove, next to him Zib made dirty jokes, and I was enjoying myself in the back. Laughing and whimpering at the same time.  …There will be payback!

“Toothless, you still look like a pretty violet! ’Specially in your face. Sit down. Shut up ’n dig in.”

“Ya don’ have to tell me twice, black eye.” Zib is going to keep Cooper working that frying pan. I bet he eats like a horse, he surely snores like one.

*

“Bed’s yours. ’N ya jumped in, to save ma sorry ass… So, you’ve got the hero-points, dude!” He’s built like one shit brick house, but he’s got the commotion, the broken nose and the cracked jaw. For a damsel in distress, he took a lot of beating. I’ve got only a broken right arm and some bruises. Luckily I’m a lefty, so it doesn’t bother me that much. It’s just a royal pain in the ass. So I’ll better settle down on the couch and leave the bed to my guest. Zib’s treating me like a child, bringing me milk, tucking me in. … Wait! Milk?!

“Is that milk? Where did you find it?” I don’t have any, don’t buy any. Allergies.

“Milked the cow in the kitchen.” Zib’s grinning. “Best for bones.”

“No! No thanks. I won’t drink that. Milk is evil, it wants to kill me.” I refuse.

“Oh c’mon, ya big baby!” He sighs and I just shake my head, like a spoiled kid with lips pressed together – I may not look serious, but I am.

“Go easy on him, he’s allergic.” Cooper steps right behind me, put his right heavy palm on my neck. “We’d have to give him CPR, if you force him. And I don’t want to see any shade of that asphyxia-blue… Or would I?” Gasp! Hot face! I think my jaw just dropped. Damn you! Those last words he directs right into my face, that sucker! And he means it not in a let-me-save-your-life-cause-I’m-a-doctor-way, he means it more like in a let-me-wrap-you-up-in-leather-and-gag-you-for-a-bit-fun-way.

Idiots. “IDIOTS!” Both start laughing

“Ya won, jackass! Can’t breathe – that red! Ahahahaha! Imma gonna peeeehheee!” Zib’s laughing so hard, he barely can breathe.

“Choke! Both of you idiots! Choke on your stupid jokes!”

Cooper is already sitting on the floor waving both his hands in the air. I grab the next best thing, which’s my cover Zib tucked me in and throw it at him. It lands on his chest. “Bite me, oh barkin dog!” Zib’s self-control is caving in. I send some pillows flying. Right into his face.

*

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